Reality

I officiated at another wedding yesterday and everyting at it was pink, how Jill would have been in her element at it. Yesterday was one of those emotional rollercoaster days when there are emotions all over the place. With that comes pain from the depths within your soul that you never knew existed. I got into an empty car to come home to an empty house and to be honest I was exhausted. I sat and began to mop up my wounds which run so deep and I began to take heart in a little frame I bought a good friend the other day. I saw it in a shop and thought, how true, it said, "Love....not time heals all wounds". I talked some time ago about not judging people in my position for looking for love again but as time wears on and you have days like yesterday one just begins to realize its a must or you will die. Maybe some people can live without it but personally speaking I don't know how. Its just to hard folks and actually the worry of people judging begins to become unimportant in the stark reality of just being alone. I think God got it right when He said in Genesis 2 "Its not good for man to be alone". I promised God and myself I would be totally honest in these writings if only they could somehow help others cope with tragedy and death in their lives, so there it is. I can't be more honest than what I've been and the truth is I can't live alone. Someone ask me recently did I feel Jill's presence in our home. The answer is an emphatic no, (not even Biblical) actually the opposites true. I feel lonely empty and hurt, I loved her all her life, no one who knew us could question that but she's gone and isn't coming back thats the REALITY.