Fit to love

I came on this prayer from Thomas a Kempis and I found it quite inspirational, “Ah Lord God, thou holy lover of my soul, when thou comest into my soul, all that is within me shall rejoice. Thou art my glory and the exultation of my heart; thou art my hope and refuge in the day of my trouble. Set me free from all evil passions, and heal my heart of all inordinate affections; that being inwardly cured and thoroughly cleansed, I may be made fit to love, courageous to suffer, steady to persevere. Amen”.
It was the last line caught me because I haven’t felt FIT TO LOVE, courageous to suffer or steady to persevere since last Thursday. I have been treading water and just about keeping my head up, seems like I have taken an odd gulp of water but still trying to keep my eyes on Jesus knowing that if I miss Him I’m drowned. In 10 years of church planting it has not been an easy journey, there have been many obstacles and battles along the way and Jill and I fought them together but I have never had to fight a battle like this before and so alone. This takes every fibre of your being, every ounce of your strength, and when you want to quit you can't because the option isn't there. Quitting dosn't even make it go away, its just a long dark night of the soul and one has to wait for the dawn of morning, trusting Gods word is true, "Joy comes in the morning".