Highs and Lows
I didn’t have a very good day yesterday, many tears and much heartache. It seems that the high moments are getting higher but low ones lower. I spoke to my friend John in Bangor last night and what he said made sense, ‘the lowers don’t get lower, its just as you get up a little more you have further to fall. I have never done a parachute jump and don’t intend to either but I reckon it must be like that moment when they jump and are freefalling and then realize their chute won’t open and panic sets in as work to release the emergency chute. Yesterday was like freefalling back into grief, not a nice experience; I wanted to kick myself but was never good at football so I was afraid of missing. After tea I drove to Newcastle and climbed to the top of Slieve Donard. I sat at the top alone and watched the sun go down, what beauty and splendour as the sun nestled in behind the other mountains. I read Isaiah 46 “Who can compare to our God”. I went up to talk to God and I did, all the way up, at the top, and all the way down, but again He was silent, not a cheap, so I guess I just keep waiting with the words of Isaiah 40:31 “They that WAIT upon the Lord, He will renew their strength they shall rise up with wings as eagles, run and not be weary, walk and not faint”. Waiting the worst, isn't it?
Love yas
1 Comments:
You know it's been six months since mum died and yesterday dad organised for all of us to go see a counsellor together. I was fine with that. It seemed like a wise decision. But i couldn;t stop crying the minute i entered. I realised that i was going to hear what everyone else was experiencing in my family and i cried hearing it. Grief and falling is hard..but it's how we cope with falling that shapes us and shapes our faith. I am going to persevere and God will be there even when i can't sense him. You should too. love ya.
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