Frustration
The thing that frustrates me at this time is my inability to give to others. Its like a bird that has been stripped of its ability to sing. I have lived my life in service to others and now I feel I have nothing to give. My eyes have turned inward and the only thing I see is my pain and greif, my broken heart. I have apologized to my kids so many times as I struggle even to give to them. I so much want to help and love people again in a servant way, Its my heart.
I am reminded of Abraham, 4 times in Genesis he lifted up his eyes and saw something divine, something that pulled him out of the hole he was currently in. You will remember when God spared Issaac, "he lifted up his eyes and saw a ram caught by its horns in a thicket".
Lot on the other hand only once is recorded that he lifted up his eyes and he saw "the well watered plains which led to Sodem and Gomorah".
I have been forced to ask myself the question, how high am I lifting my eyes? The problem is I feel sometimes I'm sinking in a deep mire where there is no standing and so its hard to get my eyes of my own situation.
I'm really going to try today, why? cause I love you guys and I love my King.
Love yas
13 Comments:
Hi Phil,
You should know that in sharing your experience you are giving to others. Your faith and trust in God has become more visible in these last few weeks, as we listen to you holding on to God's promises to get you through this time of grief. Each time I read your daily blogs, I learn more about God's promises and I too hold on to them.
We are blessed to know you and be able to share this time with you.
God Bless!
M
Dearest lovely Uncle Philip... Its still really early days, such a short space of time since Jill died, even though it might feel like an eternity... And although you might not feel like it, your servant heart is so apparent. You give so much whether you realise it or not - you are an inspiration and a blessing, I literally only have to see you and I am challenged and inspired - I'm sure this is cold comfort, but I want you to know. Love you... J
Hey Phil,
I agree that just by being so honest you are giving to others. When I read your blogs I am so encouraged and inspired, I see how good God is and how He's holding on to you, and I see how you're holding on to Him and it pushes me to seek Him and to know Him and His word more. By allowing us just to see a little of what's going on in your heart it reminds us that at the end of the day, God is all we've got.
Love you and praying for you
indya
Hi Uncle Philip
Please don't ever think you aren't giving to people at the moment. You are giving so much and don't even realize it - your time, your honesty, your love, your kindness and the list just goes on and on. No-one expects you to be jumping for joy at the click of a finger or head over heels with happiness at the moment. It all takes time but you are such an inspiration to me and so many others and I love you so much.
I'm really going to try today too cause the Mighty God we both love and worship deserves it!
P.S.
After leaving you last nite both Jack and Jamie talked on and on about God and at 11.15pm Jamie was still talking! As he lay in bed he asked all sorts of amazing questions (some I could answer and some I couldn't) and then he said about how God and Jill sit up in heaven and enjoy long talks together. He said "Mummy, I love God and want to become a Christian", so we both prayed and Jamie asked Jesus into his little heart! Now thats what I call encouragment!!!
Anyway, keep on keeping on Philip.
Love you loads and be encouraged today cause you ARE brilliant and God loves YOU endlessly.
Kathryn xo
Yo Phil
Love & Servanthood are so much a part of You that you don't need to "try". Your a Natural!
You keep focused on God as You Already are and always have been, and You'll not need to try!
Love ya
phil
By writing these blogs everyday I believe you are giving more than you realise. I cannot understand what you are going through and I cannot give you easy answer's. Just be yourself and follow your heart. There will be a time when you will see a bright new day. That may be today, tomorrow next week. But when it comes you will know. And then you will be able to give more than you ever thought possible. So don't get disheartened about feeling that you don't give much at present. God will take care of that.
PS
Hi Phil,
As I read your comment today my mind thought of Ecclesiasties 3. Please read it, you know it but it talks about there being a season or time for everything. I have little or no idea how you feel at present but I do know that everyday your comments speak truths into not only my life but hundreds of others that read them. I believe that this is your time to receive, not just from the comments, texts, hugs and phonecalls from your loved ones but from an almighty God who wants to cradle you in His everlasting arms and remind you that He will never leave you or forsake you. I pray that you receive from God right now, may His presence flood your soul and give you a peace that passes all understanding. God bless you pal. Love ya.
Glenbo
HI Phil,
I totally agree with all the other bloggers today in that you give more to your flock than you will ever know. I love to hear you pray and stir up our hearts for worship on a Sunday, this alone is a wonderful gift you have. Your presence in Church is more than enough to inspire us all to worship. Your courage and humility is so apparent before you even speak. So please be encouraged as we continue to pray for you and thank our amazing God for you.
Luv ya
Marty
Uncle phi
Your heart IS FOR OTHERS!
Your ALWAYS give of yourself, you give much much more than you know. You have a pure, servant heart and someone that we all admire and love so much.
I cant begin to imagine what you all are going through but when you feel like you are sinking remember Jesus is our firm foundation.
I truly am blessed having you as an amazing pastor, uncle and friend!!
Love you loads
xo
Oh and by the way just so you dont feel as bad i made same mistake filling the car yesterday!! its easy done - thats my excuse anyway!!
U know what, as a relatively new comer to the church i get loads from u. Ur still giving- doesn't have to be words. ur life is a gift. I totally see how faithful u r to God. When mum died i didnt lift my bible...i struggled the two years she was sick. So amazed by how ur constantly looking to him to refresh u.
phil,
what can i say what a mighty man of God. I found these words tonight and i thought you might like to hear them
"And every tear I've cried
You hold in your hand
You never left my side
And though my heart is torn
I will Praise You in this storm"
God is holding you in his hands he knows your heart and knows ur pain and hurt, he is working in your life, your a good shepherd and a wonderful pastor and an wonderful friend. sleep well god bless love ya
Hi Philip
We were just talking about Gods promises in ladies bible study this morning ... so many promises they are mind blowing and i'm sure youve been quoted many in the last 10 weeks. Heres one spoke to me Psalm 55 v 22 "Give your burdens to the Lord, and he will take care of you. He will not permit the godly to slip and fall.
Praying you sleep well tonight
love you loads
Hazel xo
This is one time I agree with Glenbo. U r coming through. Maybe feel not much progress but u r COMING THROUGH a dark night of the soul. It's the coming through that's important to God. In Romanns 5:3-5 God promises us Hope ie. the absolute certainty the believer has of God's deliverance. but look at the process, Tribulations works patience, which works experience, which works hope. To God the process is as important as the destination because in the process He is working in our lives developing our character. God sees you bearing up under your heavy trial and looking to Him to work out His purposes through them. That's an inspiration to us all! By the way there's only one s in Isaac. Luv u x SS
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