Disbelief
Another Lords day, its been a difficult week this week, filled with much disbelief. I keep wondering where it actually becomes a full reality. I find I have to keep my mind busy because the memories of Jill are just to painful. I would love to be at a place where I could think of her and enjoy the memories.
Disbelief is like a wave that when I wake up in the morning it seems to hit me and its like maybe part of my mind or heart has not fully accepted Jills gone.
That maybe all sounds a bit weird but I think theres just so much of me dosn't want her to be gone. Its so hard without her and I still miss her desperatley.
The Apostle Paul says, "With Christ which is far better". I have taken great strength from that verse. I lived my life to please God and Jill. I loved her beyond my own life but now for her it is far better and that eases the pain a little. To know Jill is totally fulfilled in every aspect helps.
Hope you all have a great day and remember to love much and hug loads. Time is short.
Love yas
1 Comments:
Hello dear friend
Our normal signal of thumbs up across the crowded room does not seem to work much now. It hides all our feelings of hurt, sorrow, shame, uselessness, helplessness, and fatigue. It speaks of a time when all was well. Church hurts right now and seeing you hurts even more, I get my update from Lorraine every Sunday night and that all I can bare. Yes things are going ok with the Nazarenes and all my targets have been set and focussing on my call is my all and all. You know the first time I left home to go to College in Manchester I had that many offers of a lift to the airport I didn’t know what to do with them, everyone wanted to help. I had to say no to them all because Jill had already sorted me out, you and her where off on a big adventure and in her way sorting my lift was a way of saying we are right behind you Collie it felt like I was accompanying you on the first leg on your travels to India. I could feel your excitement and it felt like I was sharing my own excitement with you. That’s light years ago. At least it feels that way, I miss her Philip and I miss you The Rev Collie Wylie sounds stupid anyway.
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