Day 1 / and Wild Geese

So our journey has begun...Steve, pete and myself are in Dublin tonight. It ended up a gorgeous day down here. I love this sense of adventure, of getting away and getting on the road, the sense of journey and excitment of meeting new and amazing people. It reminds me of that Celtic symbol of the Holy Spirit, wild geese. To be free and unrestrained and to fly with the wind. Also, unlike the sweet and calming cooing of a dove, a goose’s honk is strong, challenging, strident and unnerving – and just a bit scary!! In much the same way the Spirit of God can be, demanding and unsettling. Check out our wanderings here on the true blog!! We are going to keep blogging the trip this week hopefully...Stevie did todays report!!

It's wierd, when I travel I find myself missing Lins more acutely. I think it is partly due to the fact that I have more space to think but mainly because our vow to one another was that we would be open to that Wind and the adventure of the Spirit. She loved the spontaniety of doing life together that way. Anyway I continue to try to be inspired by that....and carrying her memory with me as I go...

Ireland Road Trip!!

I have been talking about it for a while and now we are actually doing it. Me, Mr Mcready and the interns are going for a quick whirlwind trip around our beautiful island. I had it booked into my diary to keep free for months now because I knew it would be the only time I could do it as things are a little bit less busy at this time of year. Now it is upon us I am totally freaked but totally excited. We leave tomorrow!!

I think we have to do these adventurous, wild, risky things now and again. I think we give God a chance to stay and do some different stuff in times like this. It is basically a research/field trip/networking/prayer-trail/pilgrimage!! Trying to connect with people and communities who have a heart for praying for Ireland, encouraging them and being encouraged. We hope that is something others will do in the future as we try to connect people all over the Island who are praying. We have people lined up to see in Dublin, Bray, Waterford, Cork, Tipperary, Galway and Athlone so it should be good. We would also love to fit in a visit or two to a couple of our amazing celtic sites and be inspired by our incredibly spiritual heritage!!

Please pray for us this week that we would have significant encounters and that we would be a blessing to those we meet whether planned or not!! I will try to keep the blog going throughout the week

the kindness of God...

‘the hardness of God is kinder than the softness of men and His compulsion is our liberation.’ C.S.Lewis

This is one of my favourite ever quotes. I am lost again in the wonder of grace. I spoke to a young guy the other who recently began a journey with Jesus. I was trying to encourage him that being a follower of Jesus will mean stumbling from time to time but that it is important to keep going in grace, that we have an advocate before the Father and that God knows our hearts. He asked me in an curious manner, ‘is there a limit to how many times you can get it wrong before God stops offering you forgiveness.’ He said it that honestly and innocently I found myself filling up. It completely disarmed me and with deep joy I felt so privileged to be able to reply ‘no, there is no limit….the mercies of God are new every day!!’

Grace is such a beautiful thing. I realise that our journey with God is all about growth, all about transformation from the inside-out. The parts of myself I don’t like that much, I have decided I am going to love more rather than fight. I think when I hold the parts of myself (I would rather were not there) before Jesus and His cross I find myself changing and become aware that it is God changing me and not myself. As opposed to fighting, rebuking and trying to beat myself into being better, I am going to fling myself once again on the kindness and mercy of God.

You touched your cheek

Stocki has written another beautiful poem to mark the aniiversary of Lins passing. I think it is beautiful....this is how it appears on his website...www.stockini.org


YOU TOUCHED YOUR CHEEK
Tue 22nd Apr 2008
a poem on the first anniversary of Lindsay Emerson's passing...
Our dear friend Lindsay Emerson left us a year ago today. This is a poem I wrote today but the title has been in my head since my last time with Lins a few days before her passing... she couldn't speak and touched her cheek... I think it was an invitation to kiss her... I didn't catch that until it was too late... I didn't... it is a huge regret... but I now see it as a beautiful gift from Lindsay... her invitation was her telling me she loved me... I'd give anything for that moment back...


YOU TOUCHED YOUR CHEEK

You touched your cheek
Like you, so understated
Like so much we came to realise
And me, I hesitated
You touched your cheek
So quickly everything went
It made my sadness tender
When I untangled what you meant

And now, you're bathed in forgiveness
You're submerged in no regret
Laughing in your wisdom
At all we still can't seem to get
And now, we're hung down in our memories
All we failed to recognise
Missing all the life that radiated
In your vulnerable and loving eyes.

You touched your cheek
And moved your neck
I smiled and then I left you
And I never went back
Oh to go there now
To gain what then I missed
Whisper how wonderful you were
And give you one last kiss.

Ae fond kiss

Ae Fond Kiss
Ae fond kiss, and then we sever; Ae fareweel, and then for ever! Deep in heart-wrung tears I'll pledge thee, Warring sighs and groans I'll wage thee.--

Who shall say that Fortune grieves him, While the star of hope she leave him: Me, nae chearful twinkle lights me; Dark despair around benights me.--

I'll ne'er blame my partial fancy, Naething could resist my Nancy: But to see her, was to love her; Love but her, and love for ever.-

-Had we never lov'd sae kindly, Had we never lov'd sae blindly! Never met--or never parted, We had ne'er been broken-hearted.--

Fare-thee-weel, thou first and fairest! Fare-thee-weel, thou best and dearest! Thine be ilka joy and treasure, Peace, Enjoyment, Love and Pleasure!

Ae fond kiss, and then we sever! Ae fareweel, Alas, for ever! Deep in heart-wrung tears I'll pledge thee, Warring sighs and groans I'll wage thee.

Robert Burns

Robert Burns expresses better than most the heartfelt pain of loss between lovers...'had we never loved so kindly, had we never loved so blindly, never met or never parted, we had never been broken-hearted.'

Most will know tomorrow marks one year since Lins passed away. I know she is dancing with Jesus, I just long to hold her too. The great sadness that I carry around every day has intenisified the last few days and a dull pain creeps deeper into stomach as I find myself reliving the last days and moments I had with Lindsay. It has been a year of incredible pain - more pain than I ever thought was possible to experience but then what I had with Lindsay was more beautiful and wonderful than what I ever thought was possible....if we had never loved so blindly and so kindly I would not be so broken hearted....I miss her so much. I miss loving and caring for her. I miss doing life with her and the deep pleasure it brought both if us. I miss how she made me feel inside, the confidence she gave me, the support she showed me, the way she made me laugh, the disarming way she loved me. I miss being deeply and completely known by her. Most days I wish my past was my present.

In this week of deep sorrow, I also want to acknowledge this.....I am still standing. If I am honest I have a fear that maybe people assume because I am through a year, I should be back to normal soon. Of course, it is not like that at all. At the same time though I realise that I have made it through the year. Sometimes I have not wanted to stand but God in His grace has picked me up each time I have fallen. I want to acknowledge that in the midst of the pain and suffering I have touched parts of the goodness and love of God that have been deeply profound. I am learning all the time about suffering, most of which I can not really put into words, but I know in some strange, mysterious way I have found God there. I am found a God who, though often in silence, suffers with me and for me. I have found that He feels my pain and has even taken it into Himself. I have found that God is Jesus with the scars. I am finding that when I choose to be true to my pain, and allow God to touch it in its rawest state, little shoots of life being to slowly grow. That new life, as early and as fragile as it still is, has found that holiness is all around us and that truth is to be found not in tagging a few scriptures onto the end of abstract sentences but in being true to the experience of the gift of life given to us by our Maker and allowing His Spirit to lead us to His love. So if we engage with the suffering that life will inevitably bring us all, I think we understand more of God and if we choose to, love more like Him.

So in the midst of unanswered questions, searing pain, and deep sorrow, I give thanks to God that in His grace He gave me the privilege of being loved and loving a princess. I thank Him that I have suffered so deeply because He gave me the joy of loving so fully. And I thank Him for not leaving me alone in the suffering but rather in allowing me to wrestle with Him, He allowed me to touch Him.

I want to say thank-you from the bottom of my heart to you all for your prayers and encouragement over the past year...it has overwhelmed me and I am convinced it has got me through. I know many of you loved Lins deeply and I also know she loved you too. I pray that these few days in the midst of the rawness of our pain we could celebrate the beauty of her life.