Ae fond kiss

Ae Fond Kiss
Ae fond kiss, and then we sever; Ae fareweel, and then for ever! Deep in heart-wrung tears I'll pledge thee, Warring sighs and groans I'll wage thee.--

Who shall say that Fortune grieves him, While the star of hope she leave him: Me, nae chearful twinkle lights me; Dark despair around benights me.--

I'll ne'er blame my partial fancy, Naething could resist my Nancy: But to see her, was to love her; Love but her, and love for ever.-

-Had we never lov'd sae kindly, Had we never lov'd sae blindly! Never met--or never parted, We had ne'er been broken-hearted.--

Fare-thee-weel, thou first and fairest! Fare-thee-weel, thou best and dearest! Thine be ilka joy and treasure, Peace, Enjoyment, Love and Pleasure!

Ae fond kiss, and then we sever! Ae fareweel, Alas, for ever! Deep in heart-wrung tears I'll pledge thee, Warring sighs and groans I'll wage thee.

Robert Burns

Robert Burns expresses better than most the heartfelt pain of loss between lovers...'had we never loved so kindly, had we never loved so blindly, never met or never parted, we had never been broken-hearted.'

Most will know tomorrow marks one year since Lins passed away. I know she is dancing with Jesus, I just long to hold her too. The great sadness that I carry around every day has intenisified the last few days and a dull pain creeps deeper into stomach as I find myself reliving the last days and moments I had with Lindsay. It has been a year of incredible pain - more pain than I ever thought was possible to experience but then what I had with Lindsay was more beautiful and wonderful than what I ever thought was possible....if we had never loved so blindly and so kindly I would not be so broken hearted....I miss her so much. I miss loving and caring for her. I miss doing life with her and the deep pleasure it brought both if us. I miss how she made me feel inside, the confidence she gave me, the support she showed me, the way she made me laugh, the disarming way she loved me. I miss being deeply and completely known by her. Most days I wish my past was my present.

In this week of deep sorrow, I also want to acknowledge this.....I am still standing. If I am honest I have a fear that maybe people assume because I am through a year, I should be back to normal soon. Of course, it is not like that at all. At the same time though I realise that I have made it through the year. Sometimes I have not wanted to stand but God in His grace has picked me up each time I have fallen. I want to acknowledge that in the midst of the pain and suffering I have touched parts of the goodness and love of God that have been deeply profound. I am learning all the time about suffering, most of which I can not really put into words, but I know in some strange, mysterious way I have found God there. I am found a God who, though often in silence, suffers with me and for me. I have found that He feels my pain and has even taken it into Himself. I have found that God is Jesus with the scars. I am finding that when I choose to be true to my pain, and allow God to touch it in its rawest state, little shoots of life being to slowly grow. That new life, as early and as fragile as it still is, has found that holiness is all around us and that truth is to be found not in tagging a few scriptures onto the end of abstract sentences but in being true to the experience of the gift of life given to us by our Maker and allowing His Spirit to lead us to His love. So if we engage with the suffering that life will inevitably bring us all, I think we understand more of God and if we choose to, love more like Him.

So in the midst of unanswered questions, searing pain, and deep sorrow, I give thanks to God that in His grace He gave me the privilege of being loved and loving a princess. I thank Him that I have suffered so deeply because He gave me the joy of loving so fully. And I thank Him for not leaving me alone in the suffering but rather in allowing me to wrestle with Him, He allowed me to touch Him.

I want to say thank-you from the bottom of my heart to you all for your prayers and encouragement over the past year...it has overwhelmed me and I am convinced it has got me through. I know many of you loved Lins deeply and I also know she loved you too. I pray that these few days in the midst of the rawness of our pain we could celebrate the beauty of her life.